I have to say that I really, really, really had a horrendous night's sleep. It was so bad that I asked God to please give me the stamina to get up in the morning to begin my reading. No joke, I probably tossed and turned the entire time I was in bed. I slept fitfully at best. When the clock went off at 5:00 am, I was soooo very very nervous, and I desperately wanted to slip right back into my old pattern of listening to see if my son got up and got into the shower (I listen for the door and for the shower to turn on) and get one more half an hour of sleep. But I made a promise to God to get up at 5:00 am every day this week so I could spend time reading and studying His word and of course time in prayer.
I slipped out of the bed, made my way into the kitchen and bleary eyed...set up the coffee maker. As the coffee began to brew, I opened my Bible by following the marker. Oh boy. 1 Chronicles! This just might be one of the most sleep inducing books in the Bible! That isn't fair. It is just full of so much lineage and stuff that I find it hard to move through more than a chapter at a time. I made my promise though, and God so far had more than met me half way. I read the first chapter. After it was completed I asked God if it would be okay to read a chapter and then watch Joyce Meyer. I get a lot out of watching her conferences and I would love, love, love to go to one, but unfortunately they never seem to fit into my schedule...but I digress.
It didn't seem as if God objected. I didn't feel guilty about my request. I didn't feel like I was trying to get out of anything. I looked up the DVR recordings and pressed play. It was amazing. It was as if God was saying "You have made the right decision." The program was all about how to start your day, and the importance of spending your morning with God. Talk about confirmation.
I have to say that my day went well. My work day went well. I felt in good spirits. I had a great work out at the gym. I also felt good all day. I wasn't tired! God hooked this lady up!!!!
I forgot to mention that after I took my son to the bus stop, I was able to read more of the Bible. My day started the same as yesterday. I pushed myself out of bed and made my way into the kitchen, prepped my coffee and began to read. All in all, I handled the morning the same way. I read up to chapter 6 including commentary sections and watched Joyce Meyer as she continued on the program about starting your day with God. I really felt as if I was making headway and felt really good.
I almost, actually more than almost, felt like getting up even earlier so I could spend more time. I may do that tomorrow. I will get up a little earlier tomorrow, but probably not on Thursday. Wednesday evenings I am up late doing show prep, so I really can't count on a decent night's sleep. I am going to try to really work it hard core so I can complete all the prep by our usual bedtime.
I had a few set backs and a few good things today. I felt in a great mood and was humming and praying most of the day. I had a small set back at work, but nothing major. I guess my mind still will desperately try to play games with me. My mind, satan, whatever it was...I was a bit of a mess as I headed out to the gym after work. I recalled the program that I watched this morning though. One of the things I remembered was Joyce talking about angels hearkening to God's word. And talking about good things for yourself rather than negative.
I spoke and spoke and spoke all the positive things that I could think of over myself. I cried. I didn't bawl, but speaking those things to myself was good yet they made me cry. I think I was realizing that I could claim God's love for me and that God has created me for a purpose, but at the same time, I have felt so down for so long that I couldn't handle the positive without high emotion.
At the gym, I worked out with abandon. It felt good. At home I felt good too. My son and I watched his favorite show together, and then I slipped into a mini sleepy jag. I woke up sad and depressed. I felt blue and I really had no reason why. I did everything I could think of doing and pulled myself out of a funk earlier, but this time I couldn't do it. I felt so bad and I don't know why.
I pulled out of it, but it was a weird moment in an equally weird day. I had definite ups but some downs too. I wonder how things will go tomorrow.
All in all, I am very happy to have followed my promise. I know that God is working in my life which probably explains why things have gotten a little hard for me so soon. It is still a victory though, because I could have been blue a lot earlier and fallen into the funk a lot harder. I did not. I got through it the first time and kind of zombied it the second. God is good, and He loves me! :)